The Ambiguous Chord

2009-08-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

Life...is getting dull and lonely. I often find myself staring out the train windows with music to my ears in deep thought.
Wondering.
Dreaming.

This is not how I had imagined my life to be. What? Worrying about projects? Leadership roles? The fading friendships? Money?...memories? Heeell NO!

The latest assignment I'm doing is the most hectic so far. Me and my group of 3 others have to shoot a 5 min short film. Easy. Yeah that's what I thought at first too! Till the the day came when we finally started shooting. 8PM to freakin' 5.30AM the next day! Had to return all the equiptment by 9.45AM. Attended class at 2PM. Slept like a log till lunch the following day. With just a camera, mike and tripod, we had to capture as many nice shots as we possibly could for the editing stage. Nope. It's not over. On top of this, a got a stuck-up bitchy excuse of a teacher who keeps giving us assignments after assignments after assignments! Like WTH. I'm just gonna do the best I can and tahan till Fri. 2 nights cruise get away. SIGH! Maybe that's what I need. I short break from the WHOLE FREAKIN WORLD!!!

I want to be excited about X'Mas again. I want to feel the rising anticipation as X'Mas draws ever closer. I want to submerge myself in X'Mas tales. I want to But MOST of all I want to share my X'Mas dream with everyone! Everyone whom I call friend. It doesn't matter if you don't call me friend anymore. I whole-heartedly think everyone deserves to enjoy X'Mas. Esspecially this year! Sigh. But no matter what, I can't do it with the current I'm-too-busy-with-shit vibe I'm getting from the team I've strung up. I feel like I'm such a bad leader. I don't even know HOW THE HELL I got the post in the first place! I KNOW what I want, but I don't know how to get it. Totally frustrating.

As I often ponder about stuff everyday, I couldn't help but feel like I'm missing something. And THAT something is some how holding me back. I'm about to write something with ALL my thoughts poured into it.

As I stare at the innocent bliss infront of me everyday, I feel a little left out. Just a little. Left...forever wishing on a faraway star amidst the vastness of space. The memories that haunt etched deep within feelings. Where the gentle caress meets the heart. Meaning doesn't mean anything anymore. Smiles aren't happy. Cuddles are cold. Laughter seems monotonous. Music has no soul. I am left alone. Where the gentle caress meets the heart.

2009-03-28T20:15:00.000+08:00

Almost lost my life last night. Was out with my army friend till late and was damn tired. Didn't sleep for a little more than 2 days. Was driving. Do the math.

Should have stopped and had a drink or something before continuing. But the crappy late night radio had a part in it too. I'm just glad I live to tell this tale. However, I can't help but think that God put me through it...he also helped me out of it of course. If not, I wouldn't be here. Anyway, I thought that God wanted me to go through this because he wanted me to see something. Something I wouldn't have seen if not for this close encounter. Now I know what they meant when they said that "life will flash pass your eyes" before you're about to die!

It's kind of scary if you think about it.

I saw quite a few things. Moments of life from my past, feelings of longing and a little regret from the present. I'm really astonished and impressed by how much one could see in that short span of a few milliseconds. The visions I saw just made me more confused about what I want. But not to worry, as I have thought about it and have answered some of my own questions. My life's goal cannot be more clearer too.

But all these said, I have also figured out my intended path I wish to tread and I can honestly say that I don't like it one bit. Except the ending. Well, not the ending..ending. But the ending part that's not too close to the ending??? Get it? Haha. Don't expect you to.

In camp doing duty now. Slept through most of it...so yeah...guess it's gonna finish quicker than I expected! For those who have PSPs, you should go play Patapon 2. Helps pass time fast and improves your rhythmic beat. Oh yeah...girls might find the characters in this game really cute...

2009-03-27T14:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I wrote here. Been rather busy with Army and church. I never thought my new CSM and OC can come up with so many shit for us. But I'm not fretting one bit. Cuz when I look all around me, I realised that I wasn't in this alone or by myself. All of my friends were! Some of the screwed up shit turned out to be quite ok too! I think it's all about the company.

Like if you're doing anything with someone boring or fucked-up, no matter what you'll be doing, you'd be soo screwed. But if you're doing it with someone damn out-going and naturally funny, no matter how sian or ridiculously dumb the thing you have to do is, things will still be bearable! No wonder why even though I kena so many totally crapped up shit this past week, I could still bare with it. Sigh. Just 2 and a half more months...this past week took damn long to past lah!

2009-03-08T21:23:00.002+08:00

My army term is going to end soon. To some it may seem a long time still. But to other's like myself, it's soon enough.

2009-02-14T00:54:00.002+08:00

What to do...what to do. I really don't know what to do with me, my life and my feelings. They're all jumbled up, confused at which direction to continue by. I'm sick of trying to live to survive for the future and taking orders from other people and worry about other people or get people into trouble with me.

When can I stop worrying all together?! Worry about how others think of me, worry I won't be able to survive next time, worry I'll end up like a coffee shop uncle, worry about how long I'll still be single and untainted by love from a girl whom I like and don't need to worry about if my friends or family would like her?!?! When can I start living life as it is and learn to not get so affected by the worries of Men? Who knows...maybe a few months, maybe a few years...then again, maybe never. I can't help but feel that God is testing me and I'm failing. Falling with clipped wings.

I'm turning 22 this year, but people say I don't "act" 22. I've to start acting my age! But I don't think it'll be who I wanna be. I wanna be fun, outgoing, spontaneous, smart, cool and I wanna be well to do. But things are so complicated that it's just a fool's dream.

I wanna live...

2009-01-27T23:54:00.001+08:00

WHOA!!! FREAKING SIAN ARR!!! Lost all my winnings to my cousin and my gambling god of an uncle! Won a little back in the end...but still made a significant lost. And I still owe Dawn $22 for Cafe Cartel!! wth....this Chinese New Year just isn't my year...SIIIIIGGGHHH!!!!!

I really hate feeling poor again...like last year. I swore to myself never to end up in that state ever again. But I can't help but feel a little poor breeze caressing my skin. Like...hair-standingly gross! Exactly 2 weeks more to my next pay...and looking at my books.....[please wait].....AHUH!! I'm actually doing quite ok! Add in the Chinese New Year red packets....and whoalah!! I feel soooo satisfied. haha. But thinking back on the lost I made, I still feel abit of regret. Regret that I didn't keep my cool and kept betting high. Oh yeah....one of my young Aunts said I looked quite cool when I play. As in cool and calm. Not act cool. Though...I have to admit that I couldn't help but act cool abit...since I WAS winning money. But later on, I found out that several of my cousins and aunts also found me cool....cooooool. haha.

Finally decided on a date for the CNY get together. Saturday 6pm. Though some of the main people can't come, like Zac, Randall, Fonz, Jean and Andrew, most of us can and prefer it this way. So sorry guys. Oh it's gonna be a Pot Luck thing. So far, I got:

Andrea - Choc Pudding thing
Tessa - Ayam Bua Klak
Verena - Garlic Bread

Crap...just realised...my name's not in there. *snigger**snigger*...haha.

Check this song out musicians will def like this song -> For You Blue [The Beatles]

2009-01-26T23:59:00.001+08:00

For a first in a long while, I went to church early today. Took a whole box of oranges home. Well...NObody wanted it!!

Anyway, mass was as usual. Don't really feel anything significant anymore. Is this bad? Is it my fault? Why is it that I sometimes feel that I blame myself for everything...though it's only PARTly my fault? Why am I still single? Is it also my fault? And when credit comes my way...someone else is always there to share it with me!

Went to my maternal grandmother's place for Lunch and a little game of 21. At first, didn't dare be the banker and almost lost about $10. Then I decided to give it a try! You know...since I was already that screwed, might as well give it a try! I ended up breaking even and at the end of the day, I even managed to win a little! I couldn't help but feel accomplished...and I was certainly acting the part. Cuz one of girl cousins was there...she wasn't pretty or seemed interesting...but she was the best there...sadly. I think I ended up winning all her money..haha.

Oh...I wore my new vertically-striped-long-sleeved-but-folded-to-elbow shirt with my slim jeans. And did I look good! To all who saw me today...did I look good or what?! I mean not to sound stuck up or anything. It's just that for me....every small appraisal goes a long way...and I really cherish every single praise I get! Wierd huh? Well...that's me for you.

Why is true love so hard? I think I answered that in my previous entry. It's cuz if you manage to get it, it's an everlasting accomplishment! And you'll cherish it more! Imagine if you're able to get this girl damn easily...like she fell for you too easily. You won't feel as much for her as one who's damn difficult to get. But after you get the difficult one, you know you're already a better guy. Think about it.

Favourite song now -> Just Dance [Lady GaGa]
The groove is just head-bangin' killer! Go check it out.
For those Rock'n'Roll dudes. Check this out -> Jimmy Olsen's Blues [Spin Doctors]

2009-01-25T00:23:00.000+08:00

Not being able to enjoy a totally fine Saturday for me is like....having everything you want in life..but you can't enjoy them cuz you're paralysed on a hospital bed somewhere. But what's MORE screwed up is not being able to enjoy a perfectly fine Saturday...cuz I'm in camp!....Alone!....WTF!!

People are still not getting back to me regarding Jubilate's CNY get together. This is difficult. Seriously. And I don't know what's wrong or what's going on out there. I feel so caged up. So restricted. I wanna do something...but I can't. AND I DON'T KNOW IN THE FREAKIN' HELL WHY!!!! AAAAARRGGGGHHHH!!!! You know...it's only when you're alone can you truly TRULY think and ponder? Think about it...

45mins later...

Ok. People are responding. But now the problem is...not everybody can make it on the same day! Some prefer 27th...others 31st...and apparently, a hand full just don't know what to say! Is there like a difficulty nob on life? Cuz I'd really like to put it to "Easy" for a change! haha. But I'd also like a challenge every now and then. Cuz life will be so meaningless and monotonous without obstacles and problems. Also, without challenges and difficulties, we can never ever accomplish ANYthing! I mean if we don't go through the grueling exams, then what the hell are we gonna put in our resumes?! So yeah...I'm definitely not complaining....just ranting.

Sigh....WHEN IS MY DUTY GONNA END!!!!

2009-01-23T17:20:00.005+08:00

Had a half day off to go to SGH for my physiotherapy...and now I'm finally back! Have leave till Wed this coming week too! Long weekend here I come!! Huzzah!! Huzzah!! wait...wait...oh crap. I've got COS duty tomorrow! what....the....hell...man....haha. But at least I get to spend Chinese New Year properly...as in with no need to book in to camp!

During the past week, I've been working on 2 songs...both originals. My army mates all say they're really not bad...some gave them 8/10 and above! Jean and her friend gave it 8-9/10. And that's coooool...haha. Well, everyone liked my originals except ONE. My irritatingly-musically-inclined-critic Army jamming buddy. But I've got to say, it was partly cuz of all his merciless comments which led me to keep improving on my songs till they're what they are now. So thanks man...

Trying to plan something for the gang this Chinese New Year. Hope everything goes well...

2009-01-10T23:49:00.002+08:00

Went to Nanyang Polytechnic today to help out in the ushering. Cuz I'm such a nice guy.

It was really an interesting experience for me as I expended my knowledge of bridging the awkwardness that exists between two strangers. Be it boy or girl. And I've found out that most...most...people will actually open up and try to get along. This has improved me in my position as Social Welfare...person...in Jubilate. But through this lesson, I've also learnt that I still cannot smile for crap. What a god-gives-and-god-takes moment huh...damn it.

Anyways, I've been pondering and guessing...then thinking and guessing...then dreamt and wished...then thought and reflected...and now I've finally decided. Sadly, it's not going to be how I want things to be. It never has. And might never be. Some things are just not meant to be. Others are just...others. It's just so mixed up and hard to understand only cuz it's not what I want.

I've to be the dude I wish I was. Cuz the dude I am now...sucks. Sigh. How Now Brown Cow?

2009-01-01T16:34:00.002+08:00

NEW YEAR's DAY!!!

Had an awesome time clubbing @ China One with the happening members of Jublilate. haha. It was the workout of the year for me lah!! haha. Head banging and grooving non-stop till we decided that was enough for the night! haha. Right when we left, something funny/embarrassing happened. If you wanna know...ask anyone of us in person yah? haha. We split (NO the past tense isn't splat...hahaha) up into two groups to hitch a cab back. hahaha. I dunno about Zac and Dawn's group, but MY group, consisting of Randall, Daryl and Tessa, WALKed all the way to Lavender MRT before we FINALLY FINALLY caught a freaking cab!! That crazy Randall was even joking about walking all the way home!! hahaha. Oh...and I would like to applaude Tessa for walking all the way with us wearing HEELs!! We did ask her if she wanted to exchange shoes with one of us...but she refused! *clap**clap*. haha.

When I reached home, I just died on my bed after I showered....again. The feeling was damn shiok I tell you! I was totally gone man!! haha. Couldn't wake up for the New Year's mass just now...sorry guys! I still feel like doing something on this fine New Year's Day, but everyone seemed to have died....hmm. haha. Oh yar...have guard duty this Sat!! OMG!!! super sian...haha.

HAPPY NEW YEAR to ALL again!!!

2008-12-31T23:59:00.000+08:00

NEW YEAR's EVE!!!

Woke up...finding myself...not on my bed nor in my house. Then a recollection of last night flashed before me like a nasty vision. Didn't feel as bad as I thought I would. Head didn't throb, vision wasn't wavy and I didn't feel like a whole barrel of beer was going to explode out. Thanked and apologised to Jolyn's friend for the night before leaving with Jolyn at around 11.30am. Cabbed Jolyn to Bishan MRT before heading off for home..sweet..home. After a refreshing shower...I just died in bed till around 5pm. Met Jean, Jolyn and their friend Serene at Far East for dinner slightly after 6. But Jolyn and Serene decided to go for a pedicure before dinner! Leaving Jean and me to walk around aimlessly. Oh yeah...I felt really thirsty since after my nap. Kept drinking bottle after bottle of water...and WHOA! DID I feel bloated! Could only eat like two-thirds of my plate. Oh...I met another one of their friend, Kent, who's a really good photographer and he's Thai! haha. And he's also a damn lively joker lah!

After dinner, we headed off to The Waterhole. But it was still closed...it only opened at 8.30pm. Jean and I left them there and headed to the Backyard Bistro, which is at Mackensie Rd, to watch Clifford gig. Attendance...Andrea, Tessa, Jean, Dawn, Zac, Yvette, Alien Aaron and me. Randall and Daryl were late. Had a little Martell before leaving with Jean for The Waterhole again. Took the 65 bus...cuz I thought it would take us back to Far East. It didn't. So not cool. We alighted at the outskirts of town and walked the rest of the way. So sorry Jean...couldn't be more sorry! Stopped by at Mac's cuz Jean wanted to eat something. Does it really take 10 mins to cook a FASTfood burger? hahaha. I wouldn't know.

Met another of Jean's friends at The Waterhole. Both he and Kent are also in the Army...both are techies. Both of them were cool dudes but I was cooler....I'm ORDing alot earlier than them! hahaha. Yup. Just 6 more months till absolute freedom! haha. Treated Jolyn to a glass of 36 for taking care of me last night. Also had 3 shots of Martell before leaving with my bag for the Backyard Bistro. Left it at the bar last night and Jolyn and Jean's other friend (sorry...forgot you're name) didn't let me leave them on New Year's Eve without drinking with them! haha. But Jean was like "don't drink if you think you can't". Honestly, I didn't know what to do...I just stood there...smiling. haha. Should I take her advise and admit that I can't really hold my drink that well...or just be cool and sporting about it and just...do it. I decided to go with my instinct and just went for it! Don't worry guys...I was totally cool. Didn't puke like mad or do any shit like that.

Back to the events of the night! After paying for the 36, the Martell was already paid for btw, I went down to have a smoke with Jean, Jolyn and another one of their friends, Fuzz. He was explaining to us about a funny incident which happened at the very spot we were standing on. Shall not go into the details. Left them at The Waterhole after the smoke and headed back to the Backyard Bistro by myself. When I got there, heard people screaming and singing..something. haha. I rushed in just in time to wish everyone Happy New Year! Right on the dot too! I thought it was the coolest entrance I've ever made! haha. Arriving at the same time as the New Year! hahaha. Totally awesome!

After Clifford's last song for the night, we all headed down to Clarke Quay's China One for a little beat action! A live band played and it was damn happening lah! Will tell you all more in the next entry!

CHEERS!!! hahaha.

2008-12-30T23:59:00.000+08:00

Hey everyone! Thx to all those who actually bother to check out my music!! haha. I was really surprised...really. I know I haven't been updating lately...but that's only cuz I was either busy with getting my life back...or I was in camp! So yeah...I know you guys miss me and all...so here's the start of my New Year's string of entries!!

Err...where do I begin? Let's see. On the 30th, the eve of New Year's Eve, went to go check out this really cool bar with Jean. I think it was called "Chips". Met some of her really cool ROCKer friends. Haha. As a fellow musician, I felt kinda small. Cuz they really look the part...like their dress styles and killer ROCKer "bling blings"?? hahaha. We were there to help finish some beer which Jean's friends kinda over-ordered. Had about two and a half mugs before leaving for another cool bar.

This second bar was even cooler. It's called The Waterhole and it's at Far East Plaza. The bartender, Alvin, and the owner, Loon, both make killer concoctions and mixes. Had something sweet called Purple Haze...tasted really good. Definitely better than the Long Island Tea at Hard Rock. Oh...but what really killed me was the three Tequila Shots I had in a row!! It wasn't me....Jean's friend Jolyn talked me into it! hahaha. But it was all for the fun of it. Around 11pm...or something...Jean left cuz she still wasn't feeling all that well. Yeah left me behind with her havoc friends!! hahaha. After awhile...don't know how long cuz I kinda lost track of time...my visions started to blur and the whole "fireworks" began! I was really gone...I could still walk and see where I was going...but that was all. haha. Sorry Jolyn! I was suppose to take care of you...but I'm lousier at holding my drink than I thought...really pai seh. haha. Cuz although I was wasted...I could still make out what everyone was saying. Yeah...after that, Jolyn and me headed to her friend's house at Bishan. hahaha. It was really funny...well...according to them. All I can say is that they TRIED to make me do stupid stuff...but I was sensible enough that they failed. HA.HA.HA. Better luck next time guys! But I really doubt there'll be a next time though. Cuz I'm NOT getting that high again...ever!

End of New Year Day 1.

2008-12-26T18:15:00.003+08:00

It's Boxing Day!! And why have't I felt much X'Mas spirit so far? huh...beats me. Maybe this isn't my year. With so many problems and unluckiness.

Well, at least I got to spend it with my friends. Wait...I have to confess that last part wasn't true. Sigh...I mean sure...we spent so many days and hours caroling together, singing hyms and songs together. But that was all we did. Just WORKing towards caroling and all the masses. The short get togethers we had after each house visits were spent eating or talking within the cliques. No REAL bonding. Know what I mean? The countless hours of practise...were just practise. And most of us were being so serious about it, for whatever reason, that it wasn't as fun as it was before. I mean how many of us actually tried to make practice sessions and whatever free and easy time we had...fun and really enjoyable?? I don't know about you guys, but that's where alot of my X'Mas spirit went to...all the effort and time spent trying to get ready for X'Mas. But when it came...I just had so little left it wasn't fun anymore.

Sigh...

That's the one problem about trying to be good. You give without expecting anything back. So let me ask you guys...what if you gave it everything you had...then in the end you don't get any back. Then what? I'll tell you then what! You'd feel all empty inside, all things around you would have less feeling...less meaning...or would just be...LESS. But what's more fucked up is when you see the people around you feeling the same shitty-shit-shit you're feeling! And at some point...you might feel sorry enough for them and you GIVE even more of yourself in hopes that they'll feel better. Know how losing a cherished friend feels like? How not getting back a certain feeling or sense of belonging feels like? How you KNOW things will never be the same again? And from here on out, the only thing left for you is to...continue giving. That's how I feel now. It's like I KNOW who or what I am now...and I don't like me.

Oh. You HAVE to check these songs out.
Jumper [Third Eye Blind]
When It Rains [Paramore]
Miracle [Paramore]
CrushCrushCrush [Paramore]

Jumper is the song Jim Carrey sang with a guitar to the suicidal man in the movie [Yes Man]. Well, at least we can be glad music is still the same...and we can always count on music to cheer us up a little. Happy Holidays!

2008-12-22T01:58:00.004+08:00

End of Here We Come A Caroling Episode 2! Here's my thoughts so far.

Day 1
Had a bad start cuz the red polo tee I bought ended up being a little too big for me in my slim jeans. Didn't think I look good. That's a very important thing to me. To look good. Cuz apparently my personality sucks. I'm only affected by this cuz I really think it's true. But anyway, had a little rough time during the warm up in Room 7. I just don't know why, but I'm just not remembering my parts like I used to. Old man don't-shift-the-fan-and-play-too-loudly just made it worst by showing up with the same old type of lecture as always. But the funny thing was...I saw abit of Christmas Spirit magic working. He was friendly-ish about it with smiles and soft thank yous which I think most of you guys probably don't remember. He'd usually just budge in and start lecturing us with as stern a face as he could manage..and his lectures would be long. It was moderately short this time. To some of you who are probably thinking it...NO...I don't do suck ups and I still don't like him.

Of all the 4 places we went to, I thought the house with just the couple and baby was our down point. NOT because of the turn out or our singing, but more cuz of what I so crudely and really embarrassingly said. "SO FEW PEOPLE?? WE SING FOR FUCK?!?!". I mean...what WAS I thinking saying something like that so loudly?? I hope the couple didn't hear that. I think everybody deserves to have a special and fufilled Christmas experience no matter how small or fucked up they may be. I was just being such a jerk and I really hate it. I could've ruined somebody's Christmas saying such comments and I felt so fucked up. My only consolation was that I didn't repeat my mistake at the rest of the places we went to.

But that wasn't all I felt fucked up about. I was given this in-charge-of-the-bus thing...but I feel that I've just let Dawn down by doing a bad job at it. I was the one who's suppose to guide the bus driver on the route to take...I think. I was just being...loud...and making a fool out of myself on the bus.

I'm just glad my friends had fun.

Day 2
Since I only got ONE red top (sigh...I got too fat for the other red striped tee), I decided to try it on with my baggy jeans instead. Didn't really help. So I fucked it and left my house. Met the rest below Tessa's block. Saw a NSman doing pull ups and made weird faces at him cuz he was doing pull-ups....worm style. Then I stopped, thinking how many I could do myself. Didn't even dare to try. Wimp.

Oh...and I blabbed out something stupid again. This time, at Tessa's house. As we went on our rounds wishing everybody "Merry Christmas", I just said out loud "I'M SICK OF THAT PHRASE!" after wishing the last guy. How more ambarrassing can I get?!?!?! It wasn't even funny. Dumbass. A real pain in the ass Dumbass. I also mentioned that 1/4 Malay thing out loud in the bus. I think the Malay bus driver took it in a bad way. Maybe that's why he took those long routes and wrong turns. For all his troubles, I didn't even get him a drink!

This Christmas Season really isn't working out for me. Sorry guys. And I'd like to apologise to Aaron for making fun of him and calling him Squidward and instead of working with him the Tenors' parts, I left him out. What a hopeless leader and lousy friend am I. And I'm sorry Andrew for making fun of your tallness and very low voice. But I'm most sorry to Nick for saying that fuck your mother thing...I was being too tactless. I apologise. I reflected on myself on the bus ride home. What is with me today? Am I like this all the time? Is this why my personality sucks?? Is this why girls don't like me? Sigh...

Best house was the 3rd house. Or as the guys call it, The OCS [Officer Cadet School] House (cuz we remembered the Officer Ceremonial Sword from last year). I thought we sang most clearly, blended-ly and confidently there.

Hope the rest of Christmas gets better. Why the hell am I in such a sour mood??

2008-12-20T12:14:00.002+08:00

Today's the very first day of our caroling rounds. Have to be in church by 4pm. 4 houses to spread joy and the Christmas Spirit to. Hope I can find abit of real happiness and that Christmas Spirit for myself this year.

2008-12-17T03:39:00.003+08:00

Funny thing just happened...I was reading someone's blog and I stumbled across a not-too-shabby song, which led me to an album's worth of really nice songs from the same band! Something I'd never thought was possible...especially from this particular person. Why was I even there in the first place?! It's like those hypnotizing-fly-zapping-light things...and I'M the freakin fly!

Anyway, I've been looking through the purple-with-all-the-chords-and-stuff hymn book looking for a familiar song title from the appendix. Then it hit me! I'm..kinda..really..bad with titles and names. So even if I DID came across a song I knew, I wouldn't even know I knew it! So I did what was the next best possible solution which came to mind. I went through EVERY page from the first song. And while I was at it, I realised the percentage of Catholic songs, just in this ONE book, I actually knew. 3%...give or take.

Meeting Andrea and Zac tomorrow...no..I mean later...to discuss about our Advent Event. Oh and COLLEEEEEEN!!!!!! WHERE ARE MY MALACCA PHOTOS?!?!?!?!?!

Better get some sleep now. Cheers!

2008-12-15T03:02:00.001+08:00

Hi all!! If anyone of you didn't already know, I'm back from Malaysia..Truly..bleh bleh bleh...yeah quite sick of that freakin tune!! And I can't seem to get it out of my head!!

You know, if there's ONE thing Malaysians can do to improve themselves for the sake of the whole WHOLE world....it would be to take bloody English Classes. I mean for heaven's sake! There I was...driving along a clear summer's day...looking out for signs of tolls, restrooms, petrol, restaurants and the list goes on...but I had trouble cuz they were ALL spelled wrongly!! ON PURPOSE!! Like they WANT to be different from us even in spelling stuff!!

Then...I started to realise how much they really don't like us. I mean...not giving way when you're supposed to, only letting Maylaysians use the new Customs Checkpoint to exit J.B, bloody hell never SIGNAL before cutting into my lane SUDDENly out of NOwhere (not in a jam) and worst of all...giving me and Fonz (my brother) bloody reatardedly weird looks when we told them to speak in English (Basic), which apparently most of them can't, instead of Melayu. Simple phrases like "YES...I WOULD BLOODY LIKE MY RECIEPT BACK" and "NO...I..DON'T...UNDERSTAND...THE..DAMNED..TO..HELL.. WORDS...THAT..ARE ..COMING..OUT ..OF ...YOUR...MOUTH!! ARGH!!!" would just be stared at for a few seconds followed by yet another wave of Malay words. We had to resort to hand gestures and at some point even FACIAL EXPRESSIONS!!! Like..."I don't like you! BLEH!" [The All Blacks war face]. hahaha. No lah...didn't feel immature enough to bother doing that shit to them. I'll just set off a War which S'pore will not win anyway and I don't mean militarily.

Have you ever thought what would happen to our puny little island if Malaysia sent just HALF of it's total population to migrate to S'pore. That's a few billion people taking in our freash air and giving out farts and stinks. Taking our Botanical Gardens and Nature Reserves as places to build their squatter settlements and our beaches and even SENTOSA as fishing kampongs and sites to set up their countless pirated DVD "outlets". Our air will soon smell like Malaysia. Our currency will drop by more than half. Our first language would be Malay as they would be the majority. We would all start refering to each other as "Ah Bung". And worst of all, we would all be stupid and thinking that spelling stuff wrongly on purpose is...cool!! I mean WTF?!?! They would be taking over S'pore from the inside!

Sigh.

Anyway, there's the St' Stephen's Feast day celebration coming up. And my band really wants to play...but I have freaking Guard Duty (which I'm trying to sell) on that day. But even if I managed to sell my duty, there's caroling that evening. So either way, my band can't perform our pop. HOWEVER, we are still doing our praise and worship for the Youths who are under us. For our friends who were there from the start. For friends who have been through just so much together. Friends who will never WANT to break away...at least not anytime soon. haha. We've discussed it and thought the 27th would be an ideal date for it. And oh!...to Andrea and Zac...I've found the freakin purple hymn book with all the chords and stuff. It was infront of me the whole time!! Fancy that! I'll go through the book and see if I come across any nice tunes we know.

okok...should stop offending people and get some rest now. Will show you guys the cool tees I bought in Malacca...no...they're not pirated. Cheers!

2008-12-10T01:53:00.003+08:00

Up early in the morning doing freaking COS duty again. I'm suppose to be out with Nick and Zac to jam abit. I'm suppose to be in my cozy bed NOW. I'm on leave on Wednesday. But I've got COS duty which is 24 hrs on Tuesday. You do the Math. I've to wake up to do cook house duty at 5.15am later. Left with3 hrs of sleep. The last time I did breakfast duty, I spent most of the time sleeping while standing, leaning against a wall. My knees kept buckling and I almost collapsed to the floor quite a few times. A..funny...sight indeed. HA.

The things I do for money...sigh.

Just got my pay...again. I remember how I used to struggle to make ends meet last time. Now...I just store it all up till I need to use it...again. Know what I mean? Of course you don't! And I wouldn't have it any other way. ha. ha. ha.

Gonna be freaking free from tomorrow onwards till Boxing Day. Two words. Block Leave.

This kinda pisses me off. But from next week till Boxing Day, which is 2 weeks, my company is having block leave. Meaning, EVERYone gets to have a short 2 week holiday...and those who have outstanding OFFs or LEAVEs, are forced to clear them during this period. Those who don't have any to clear? well THEY get what we call here..Magic Off. It's basically off that poofs out of nowhere!! And THEY get it! ME? I've got 13 days of leave to clear, so 10 days are cleared during the block leave, and the remainding 3, I cleared on the Wed, Thurs and Fri of this week. If you count correctly...which I have no doubt you have a problem with...I don't get a single freaking Magic Off!!! Like WTH!! or a kid would say "NOT FAIR!!!".

I kinda miss you.

Well, gotta get some sleep. Don't wanna "die" in the middle of the cook house later. Cheers!

2008-12-08T02:48:00.003+08:00

Biao Bai [Elva Hsiao]

You guys should check this song out. It's Chinese. And I realise that some of you might think...what the hell am I doing listening to a Chinese song!!

I know!! I know!! But I came across this song while on YouTube. I was searching for hot-asian-female-singers...cuz I just felt like it. And I came across this song. And NO! I'm NOT a perverted freak...cuz they don't permit explicit sex videos on YouTube...if you didn't know. Although I didn't bloody know the lyrics...or the meaning behind the lyrics for that matter...I got captivated by it's rhythm and beat...and the way she sang the song. The whole entourage just intrigues me...especially the beat at the bridge. Just soo....alluring? but yeah...the singer IS quite pretty...in certain shots. haha.

Oh and Biao Bai means confession. No again...I didn't bother to check for the meaning. The meaning was in brackets next to the title. haha.

It's a bitch to keep having to go back to the YouTube web page to restart the song...over and over again. But for music...anything goes.

Me and the rest of the choir sang carols in church yesturday evening to promote the Jubilate Choir as we're going on our caroling rounds...like we do every year. Had to wear RED. My only red t-shirt was freaking small...I wonder what I was thinking when I bought it. Didn't like the colour...didn't like the t-shirt. Then this morning, had to wear the choir tee. It was my kinda colour. Design wasn't bad as well. But again...what's with the freaking small size?!?!?! And NO I'm not growing fat....seriously. Maybe I should start working out...more.

Another bad news. I don't think we can do a pop gig for Christmas. Like Clifford said...it just wouldn't fit into the Christmas feel everyone will be getting high on. So what other gigs are there?? Well none. Not till next year at least.

It's getting late and me eyes are shutting. Signing off now. Cheers! Keep the music alive.

2008-12-05T02:35:00.000+08:00

Guess what I'm doing so early in the freakin morning? Company Orderly Sergeant duty that's what. This duty..although it seemed so cool during my BMT days..isn't that cool after all!! It's usually done by..you guessed it! A Sergeant! And here I am doing a Sergeant's duty but getting so much less!!

And another thing. I got this duty on the first day of returning to my unit! But I guess if you look at the bright side, I can say that I've been through and FINISHed a Sergeant course, and I'm now doing a Sergeant's work! Something which I once thought was cool to experience.

Through this duty, I'm happy to say, I found new friends who helped me on my first day on the job. And I'm more respected now, cuz the work I produced...as always...turned out neat, fast and with a fake smile. haha.

Early this Wednesday, I spent my day rather productively. I jammed more songs than I planned with my band's lead singer ZAC. And they all..somehow by chance or skill..turned out GREAT!! I...no...YOU guys have something to look forward to now. Cuz we're planning something for Christmas. And though we still got work to do and parts to work out and improve, the prospects couldn't turn out any better! Finally...something good is finally coming my way. Just a few more hours before I can catch a few needed winks of sleep...just hang in there.

Oh...and Dawn has made me in charge of transportation for this year's caroling rounds. Oh dear, I hope I'll be able to pull it off...don't wanna make you guys have to walk instead. ha. ha. ha.

Learned a new guitar Lead technique from one of my Army mates just now. I can only get better from now on...someone even praised me for being able to play well! I'm actually feeling a little tiny bit more accomplished. Cuz there are really good guitarists here...really good.

Well see you guys tomorrow after I book out. As in like to hang out...not just for choir and mass. Hopefully something can be arranged....hopefully. Cheers!

2008-12-02T23:34:00.006+08:00

My 13 days-long off is ending soon. I've to book in tomorrow night actually. Sigh. I planned to spend this long off differently. So differently. I'm not suppose to feel like I've just wasted a perfect...long break from the Army...from the world. I was suppose to spend every single day wishing every single day wouldn't end. But I guess you can say it wasn't meant to be. I guess you can say we were just not fated. Sigh. So how now little brown cow? All our meaningful plans which were meant to blossom into one of our most unforgettable times together...just faded into nothing...not even memories. I was suppose to go back to camp not regretting anything. Not feeling a sad sense of lost. Not feeling like life has no meaning again.

And there you thought it was the right thing to do.

But apparently, it wasn't. At least I will admit that it wasn't the right thing for me.

Then again, maybe this is all just crazy talk. Maybe all I need is a hug. But definitely not from a guy or anyone of my female friends. It just wouldn't feel right (no offense to you girls...it's not you, it's me). Not even a hug from anyone of my family or God even, can warm my heart again. I just don't know anymore. I don't know what to look forward to nowadays. I don't know how to cheer my lonely self up like I used to.

Weekends aren't that...colourful...anymore. The things I do...I used to have so much motivation to do them. I guess none of you guys will ever understand, not even when you say you've been through so much more than me. Know why? Cuz you're not me. And you'll never be. And yes, the whole world has gone through so much more and yet here it still is right?? But there are also people who freakin' killed themselves over lesser things! So where do I belong?

I belong to a special minority in this world. A minority who feels like we got the bad end of a deal and like we were misunderstood and now...we're suffering for it. Suffering cuz we had hoped so much that it was really for the best that what ever happened..happened...but now it doesn't seem like it. Now it seems so wrong and we're just feeling so terrible inside that we can't do fucking SHIT about it!!!

Sigh. Where is all the mercy...I think we need some right now.

I'm suppose to hang out with a couple of the guys tomorrow. But looks like I can't even do that! I've to freakin' book in tomorrow night...and if SHIT like this continues to happen to me, I'll be further apart from my friends as well for goodness sakes!! omfg...I need a smoke. I really need at least one now.

Where's this girl that's supposedly out there for me??? Oh would I even freakin' bleed for her right now. Just to hear her say those three heart-melting words.

I'm so pathetic aren't I....sigh

2008-11-30T13:29:00.002+08:00

Breakeven [TheScript]

Check this song out too. Another beautiful song by The Script.

2008-11-29T23:20:00.000+08:00

At band practise today, we played some songs just like the old good times. Some old songs. Some new ones. All those who were there? Zac, Yvette, Clifford, Dawn and Me. Out of all those who were there, only Zac and Me were of the band. The rest of the band you ask? Busy...with their other wants and interests. I guess I know now how my church friends felt of me when I was busy...with MY want and interest. I guess you can blame me for the mess. I'm kinda used to it by now.

I find myself at a big crossroad. And the people I know are drifting apart toward roads of their own. Leaving me behind. Some have advised me on which road to take myself. But in the end, the choice will always be mine. The problem? I really don't know where to go or what to do anymore. I used to though. I used to have a life. I used to have dreams. But one day, everything shattered. And I lost everything I thought I stood for.

Now, I have to start all over. Rethink my life. Rethink my dreams. Move into a new phase of my life story. tch. Story. I wonder how interesting it is up till now.

Things for me now has become, in more ways than one, very difficult. Decisions become heavier everywhere I go. Why? Cuz I've been living in a dream for so long. Cuz I depended too much on someone whom I loved...for comfort...for company...for love...for completeness. And now that person's gone, I find myself lost in this clueless world...without a map, a compass or a direction. My wants doesn't mean as much as it did. Sigh. I realise how weak and lost I am. I wouldn't be with ME...let alone she.

I've to change. I've to be stronger again. Stronger than I ever was. For I was strong...but it wasn't enough. So I'm starting now. I'm still gonna represent the band and do something. With or without you guys.

Two likely opportunities.

An Advent Praise & Worship for the choir.
St. Stephen's Christmas Dinner.

And guess what....I've already started plans.

2008-11-29T18:48:00.003+08:00

The Man Who Can't Be Moved [The Script]

Check this song out. Caught it on the air-waves.

2008-11-28T02:08:00.004+08:00

I'm having guitarist's block. I find myself not being able to play the guitar like I used to. And believe me when I say it's not due to lack of practise. It's like I've lost all my guitar senses. I know this might sound stupid...but I really hope they come back soon. My band's come back practise is this Sat!

I lost it and only you know why...

2008-11-27T00:14:00.003+08:00

Today, I did nothing but staring at my com's screen. Pondering. Reflecting. Wishing. As memories and old whispers wash over my mind, I couldn't help but feel a mixed feeling of heartache, regret and guilt. Sigh.

Of all the ways you could teach me dear Lord, you HAD to tell it to me THIS way. I can only hope and have faith in his work and pray that it's...really..for the best. But...in what way is it best? And best for whom? It's definitely not the best for all. So I hope it...isn't...best for me. I really do. Partly cuz by knowing it's best for the other person, a part of me feels relived. Though not for myself, but for her.

However, for her sake, for mine and everybody else's, I have to live on and start livin'. But nobody knows the only way is for her to be genuinely and innocently happy like she was before. Cuz only then can I ever truly be happy for her. I'm sorry this had to happen.

I'm starting up Leaven, trying to make it wake up it's idea after a long..needed..break. I'm holding our first practise at our Lead singer, Zac's, humble...room. Yes, in his small little..but cozy room. Cuz the drums are there and we prefer to shift all of our equipment up, rather than bring the drums down. I mean...we might disturb Zac's family (with the helter-skelter sound waves we call music) anyways.

Songlist:

Who Did You Think I Was

Daughters

Bigger Than My Body

----All by John Mayer----

When You Were Young

Read My Mind

----Both by The Killers----

I'm also thinking of adding Kidnap My Heart by The Click Five and No Such Thing by John Mayer. But I think we should start slow. Not really in the mood to do stuff anyway. But for her sake, I know I have to try...

2008-11-25T04:01:00.001+08:00

Many things have gone and past. Be it wrong or right. Happy or sad. Sweet or bitter. Beautiful or disgusting. Innocent love or pure hatred. All these doesn't matter. It is the ends of them and the lessons learned that's important.

However, what's MOST important is to be strong in one's self...and move on. Sure, it might definitely be something sweet which you lost. Or someone beautiful whom you hold so dear to your heart.

By hanging on so tightly to the lost...you're not only letting yourself down. You're also selfishly letting everything which she stood for down...everything which you thought was so sweet or beautiful. All the heart stopping memories...will always be memories. Nothing else. No matter how much you try...a scar will always be on you. Even if you surgically remove the scar, it will forever be etched in your head....how did you get this scar, how much hurt you felt, how whenever you look at it..you cry your heart out...cuz it was something you've always dreaded having happen to you. Something you can never ever forget...no matter how hard you tried.

So STOP!! For all goodness' sake! For his/her sake!! For YOUR sake!! you have to find it in yourself by YOURself...not to forget..cuz I know you can't...but instead, to live on. NO! not cuz you're just going to be a burden to everyone especially the ones who love you! But...simply cuz YOU still deserve a beautiful life. So live your life which is STILL as beautiful as ever before! BUT only better!! Cuz the life lessons will...always...be...with you. Prove to yourself that you're stronger then that...that there's still so much purpose left for you!

In the past, scars were worn or 'displayed' proudly by warriors of any tribe. Why? Cuz scars told their own stories...stories of past battles. In some tribes, the more scars you had, the more people respected you...the more senior you would become. But more importantly, scars tell people that this person IS stronger and tougher now. He or she (yes there were women who fight too..you chauvinists!) has learnt how to fight better. A person without scars can only mean 2 things. One, he's already an accomplished fighter and nobody has ever landed a blow on him. Such accomplished warriors were rare..and considered legends. The other reason is that he was such a pussy and a disgusting coward that he has NEVER stepped foot in any battle and therefore, nobody has ever landed a blow on him.

My point is:
Firstly, there are people who live perfect lives without quarrels or problems. These, in today's world, are still considered legends. And can only be found in fairytales at your local library.

Secondly, there are people who are afraid of stuff like quarrels, fights, changes and risk. They are afraid of getting hurt...of getting scarred..afraid of lost. These people will never learn anything. For to really learn something, you have to go through it yourself. Like how if you made your friend do your homework, you will never get anything out of it. But your dear friend will be smarter, better...for he/she did the questions and if ever..any of those questions came out, he/she will know how to get it right...not you.

You may say recovering from a lost is abit different, but it's all actually the same. Just harder. But then let me ask you...what's it worth accomplishing when it's easy? Recovering from a lost just takes time...how long? That depends on the individual. That depends on...you.

I'm not asking you to wear your scars with pride. Or to forget it...treat it like nothing. no...I'm asking you to give your own self another chance...a chance to live life like it was supposed to be lived! Live for yourself. Not others. Because that's what makes you...you.

And you are unforgettable.

2008-11-24T17:03:00.003+08:00

Bigger Than My Body [John Mayer]

This is a call to the colorblind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind the horizon line
Tied up in something true

Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Why is it not the time?
What is there more to learn?.. yeah
I shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return

Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Cause I'm bigger than my body now

Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If a flame's what it takes to remember my name
To remember my name, yeah

Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry
Waiting for my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body now

2008-11-24T17:02:00.002+08:00

sorry for everything. Sorry for making it too much to bear...cuz sorry's all I got.

2008-11-18T23:59:00.001+08:00

It's Not Over [Secondhand Serenade]

My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over

2008-11-16T22:30:00.002+08:00

First mass in a loooong time. It sort of gave me a little comfort praising God. But I can't help but still feel abit...lost. It's like taking a long road by yourself. A long road which you know will be difficult...and lonely. Some people might say stuff like "act your age man!" or "be a man about it dude! Do the right thing!". But did you ever stop to think what might be the right thing? Like the right thing for whose or which purpose??

Everyone has his or her own feelings which every MF must respect no matter what. Feelings...and opinions. 'Cuz in the end, that's what makes each and everyone of us special and unique. Some people might mistake influence from guidance. But they cannot be blamed nor questioned. It IS a very fine line...is it not?

But after all that's said and done, how correct each person thinks must always be left to that person...nobody else.

Back to the long road...
Yes it IS lonely. And everybody is entitled to a companion...pets and God aside. Not sure yours is the right one? Let me guide you...

First. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't like some boring stoner to journey with me...so that someone must be one whom you would NEVER be bored of.

Second. This long journey will be rough and difficult. So you need someone whom you can really trust to support you whenever you're down. Always.

This road, if you have yet to realise, is long. NO. I have no idea how long it is. Anyway, you have to love this person more than just...enough...till you reach...well...the end. However, as most of you should have realised, you loving him/her wouldn't be enough. so..duh...the other person has to love you back. Now here's the tricky part. Most of us might...will not be able to tell this. For those who know you've found The One for you, good, the job's half done. For the unlucky rest of you...may the holy light of God help you...really. 'Cuz no one else can.

Once you've found The One...no matter what, never let her/him go. YOU should know how hard it is to find someone in this world to be your very own. For those who think you have no problem finding girls/guys, you are missing out on something incredible...AND...you have absolutely NO idea what I'm talking about...AND..you just piss me off. This particular person isn't just someone whom you can just imagine spending time with. I don't know how to describe it properly, but for me, I imagine her and me growing old together...she, still smiling back at me. Saying the most heart peircing words..."I still love you...dear". You will feel an undescribable emotion everytime he/she says "I love you". You would just wish you could video it evertime so that you could hit the [playback] button and...just..watch it. For in the end of all things...you will only be left with bitter-sweet memories.

So if you've found your companion...no! don't freaking start video-ing everything! What I'm trying to say is...please...cherish him/her. Never forget to tell her how much you "still love her". Because on this long road with you...she deserves to know....YOU..are The One for her.

When You Were Young [The Killers]

2008-11-15T14:07:00.000+08:00

When You Were Young [The Killers]

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now ... here he comes!

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young

Can we climb this mountain
I don't know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now, watch it go

We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young

And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young

They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while

You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now here he comes

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young
(He talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when)
When you were young

I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know...

Damn nice song I heard while I was in Australia. And MAN!!! Do they play alot of...err nice...songs..haha.

2008-11-07T01:09:00.000+08:00

A guy can't feel any blue-er. Life's just not the same anymore. If you're ever reading this...I need you..I've always have.

2008-04-05T14:10:00.000+08:00

Hi all! It's been quite some time since I last wrote. Well it has been kinda busy and rough for me lately. Lots of events and other stuff have taken place during this time of rush-to-wait, wait-to-rush period. One thing's for sure though. ONE person in particular has stuck close beside me, giving support and encouragement all the way. If by now you still have NO idea who this person is, well...it's quite obvious! It's none other than my dearest darling Natalie! Smiles and Hugs to the love of my life for sticking by me through the toughest of times! =)

Some say Love is blind. A handful say Love isn't blind. The rest just say...I dunno. Well, I say Love Actually is exactly what each and every individual perceive it is! In a way, Love IS blind, as one finds himself immaculately in love with her...simply because he loves her! In a way, Love ISN'T blind, as one loves her because of the way she is and the things she does! And finally, in a way, Love is so unknown to us that sometimes we find ourselves confused BY Love.

All I know is the two people in the picture above Love each other very much in every way possible. I Love you Nat...I really do. Happy belated 5 months dear.

2008-03-16T17:10:00.000+08:00

Just came back from Prata Nite Supper with Nat and the Augster. And apparently, Nat and I think that it has been a looooong time since either of us had any prata! The kosong which I had was absolutely delicious! Despite the overcharged price. We also shared I plate of murtabak-$4, which was effing small! sigh! THE TIMES! I still recall the time not too long ago when a single egg prata would only cost $1 the MOST! Now it costs like $1.60! 40 cents more and it'll be TWICE the old price! sigh! THE TIMES!!

Anyway, was resting my injected arm and back at home the whole day till 4.15pm when
I went out to meet Nat at Orchard. She had her Final Grade Piano Theory Test @ Shangri La Hotel in the afternoon and wanted to walk around in town anyway. Went to Far East and ate Ya Kun for early dinner. She said the kaya toasts were just...ok...but I thought it was damn freaking good! The eggs were not bad too! But they were ALL abit over priced. 4 eggs, 1 cup of hot tea, 1 cup of teh peng, 4 kaya toasts & 4 sugar toasts now cost $9! sigh! THE TIMES!!!

Attended the choir's very own Stations of The Cross with clips from The Passion Of Christ. It was a totally different experience compared to the actual *cough* boring
*cough* Mass. There was alot of Praise & Worship and the BEST part was that we(meaning me) could sing whatever ass parts we(meaning me) wanted!

Afterthat Nat and I took a bus down to the Prata Shop near my place. What happened there, scroll to the top.

Nites!

long time no write

2008-03-14T16:26:00.000+08:00

hey guys! I realised that it's been a freakishly long time since I've blogged. Many reasons to it.

1. Not much time.
2. Nothing really to talk about.
3. Don't really feel like it.
4. Lazy.

As most of you know, I'm in the Army like 5 times a week. NOT including the recent weekends when the freaking 5 SIR got activated to go find that stupid Mas Selamat! Guess who had to bloody hell cover Guard Duty for them? Who else but the ONLY stay-in company left behind...HQ 3SIB Signal Company. And THAT my friends...is sadly where I'm at now. SIGH. Just the week before last week, I had duty on TUE, WED and FREAKING FRI! could only book out on sat while the rest of my lucky friends waved goodbye on fri evening. Had YET another duty last fri...same shit. Except, I'm the ONLY ass there from the previous fri. SO that means all those who did duty the previous fri could book out on fri...ALL except me.

Then, if that wasn't enough, 5 SIR kena activated...AGAIN! and we're doing the freaking duties...again!!! Like What The Hell lah! The Army doesn't pay us enough. In fact, I have Guard Duty THIS Sat. But recently, my back injury had gotten worse and the sharp pains keep coming and going. Problem is, EVERYone thinks I'm KENGing it!

They put up a new rule that now only Polyclinic and Hospital MCs are allowed. They said simply because we can just BUY a freaking Mc from any PTE Clinics. But the Polyclinics and Hospitals will only give MCs to those who are really sick or injured. So that's what I did! But still! I got this freaking bunkmate who actually thought I was the one who is KENGing so much that the Company put up this new rule...temperary I might add. Freaking pissed now...kena back-stabbed by someone I thought was a friend....my OWN buddy! sigh...but never mind that.

In lighter topics, I've not till recently attained this new position in the choir! They're calling it Social Welfare Officer. At first, I thought "hey! this would be a piece of cake! Just talk cock here and there...make sure everyone's happy. Done!" But it's not as simple as I thought. I have to "coax" as many choir bums to go for everything! And if they feel low moral or want to break away, I've to organise something for them SOO interesting, fun and choir related that they'll change their mind.

OK....first thing, I don't know How The Hell to motivate everyone to come for choir...except giving ALL of them damn cool song parts to sing everytime. And the small kids clique? how to get them back??? put a trail of sweets and toffees and lead them all to the choir room and close the doors on them when they step in??? The ONLY thing I can possibly think of is promising them their very own Super Cool mass parts! They seem very very shy around the regulars. Why? Simple! They BOTH like to talk about totally different stuff! One is puberty and chinese pop music, the other virtues of life and bitching. The guys have always been easy though...all WE do is talk cock!

Bottom line is...if we ALL have a good time laughing EVERtime we go for choir, EVERYone will stay. Laughter is the only thing I see which will keep the kids with us as well as the older ones. But here comes another problem. We ALL laugh about freaking different stuff! So the cycle goes on and on and on and on and on...

I'm still thinking on this topic...so please give me some time. I've got alot of things on my mind lately...so would appreciate the space and absence of too much pressure.

Oh and no hard feelings to any of the girls.
Nites!

Army Daze

2007-06-08T06:16:00.000+08:00

WaaaH!!! damn shacked out! Just got home from my first proper book out. Can't believe how much I've done just before I booked out. I woke up as usual at 0530...actually I woke up at 0445 because some cockanathan set his stupid "ti ti ti ti" alarm wrongly. Had Loh Mai Kai ala Char Siew Pau and Hot Coco for Breakfast at 0550. Had First Parade at 0745 to check Company Strength. Ran non-stop while screaming army songs while doing the Buddah Clap for 3 km at 0800. Had Routine Orders and Bookout Debrief at 0845. Standby Area Inspection by Second-in-command Sergeant was held exactly at 0950. Marched all the way to Tekong Paradise Ferry Terminal approximately at 1100. Boarded the stupid Penguin Fast Craft at 1115. Reached Sigapore Main Land at 1135...fast craft my ass! Reached home around 1400.

Bloody long day.

However, army life isn't all that's cropped up to be. There's the famous all-female Scorpion Company (but with only ONE freaking platoon). There's the very irritating next door neighbour Pegasus Company. There's the all time favourite Raven Company. And there's the Elite Spartan group Raven Company 1st Platoon. And there's the most talk-cock-sing-stupid-songs-all-day-long 1st Platoon Section 4 [Bomb Battalion].

More details next time....

2007-05-27T16:26:00.000+08:00

I feel down...low...blue...sian. The army apparently is not what I thought it was cut out to be. It's not that interesting anymore. It's something like a dreaded chore I have to do now. It's a guy thing. Let me explain...like Nice Shoe + Girl = Must Buy One! Well, using the same concept, Chore + Dude = Must do meh? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against chores...seriously. It's the feeling. I haven't yet seen in person a guy who enjoys washing dishes, mopping the floor, sweeping dead leaves, clean-up the after math of a party...etc. You know what I mean?

But chores and shoes aside, well there's a Holy Spirit confirmation camp coming up next week from the 1st to 3rd of June. AND, some of the guys including me are going to help facilitate the camp. We had facil "training" earlier today...or what I thought was facil training until I attended it. There really was no training. The Head Guy just introduced everyone to everyone else, make us go through some deep-feely-close-eyed-with-a-dash-of-'LaLaLaing' P&W songs, ran through the camp themes and activities AND gave us FREE state-of-the-art Iced Lemon Tea. I felt sooooo trained for this camp.

Later that evening we headed down to Zac's place for some street soccer in this new fensed court. And boy did tensions rise! We were having fun playing with some other neibourhood kiddies...with 3 teams and who so ever scores 2 first wins while the loser team had to leave the court. It was all fun UNTIL......a group of chinese-you-stare-at-me-I-stare-at-you punks showed up and joined. They were fairly good...able to stay in the court for quite a few rounds til WE started winning. They were getting tired and we were substituting OUR team like NObody's business. Like Ben tired...eh Zac sub me! The other team had NOone. Then, some shoving was involved and some I-stare-at-you-but-how-come-you-never-stare-at-me showed. And well they started playing rough..er being the sore losers they were. In the end they won...marginally of course.

In other news, Leaven has shifted out of Holy Spirit...dumpi..I mean storing temporarily all the equipment in my now stuffed Dining Room. It IS temporary right? Anyway the band practises will be held there from now on. That is IF we ever hold a band practise.

And mass this morning was great. We sang parts...some of them impromtu...but parts none the less. To those who couldn't make it for the last choir practise, some el down...low...blue...sian. The army apparently is not what I thought it was cut out to be. It's not that interesting anymore. It's something like a dreaded chore I have to do now. It's a guy thing. Let me explain...like Nice Shoe + Girl = Must Buy One! Well, using the same concept, Chore + Dude = Must do meh? Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against chores...seriously. It's the feeling. I haven't yet seen in person a guy who enjoys washing dishes, mopping the floor, sweeping dead leaves, clean-up the after math of a party...etc. You know what I mean?

But chores and shoes aside, well there's a Holy Spirit confirmation camp coming up next week from the 1st to 3rd of June. AND, some of the guys including me are going to help facilitate the camp. We had facil "training" earlier today...or what I thought was facil training until I attended it. There really was no training. The Head Guy just introduced everyone to everyone else, make us go through some deep-feely-close-eyed-with-a-dash-of-'LaLaLaing' P&W songs, ran through the camp themes and activities AND gave us FREE state-of-the-art Iced Lemon Tea. I felt sooooo trained for this camp.

Later that evening we headed down to Zac's place for some street soccer in this new fensed court. And boy did tensions rise! We were having fun playing with some other neibourhood kiddies...with 3 teams and who so ever scores 2 first wins while the loser team had to leave the court. It was all fun UNTIL......a group of chinese-you-stare-at-me-I-stare-at-you punks showed up and joined. They were fairly good...able to stay in the court for quite a few rounds til WE started winning. They were getting tired and we were substituting OUR team like NObody's business. Like Ben tired...eh Zac sub me! The other team had NOone. Then, some shoving was involved and some I-stare-at-you-but-how-come-you-never-stare-at-me showed. And well they started playing rough..er being the sore losers they were. In the end they won...marginally of course.

In other news, Leaven has shifted out of Holy Spirit...dumpi..I mean storing temporarily all the equipment in my now stuffed Dining Room. It IS temporary right? Anyway the band practises will be held there from now on. That is IF we ever hold a band practise.

And mass this morning was great. We sang parts...some of them impromtu...but parts none the less. To those who couldn't make it for the last choir practise, some minor changes to the normal mass parts were made...so do TRY to attend the next one this coming Saturday.

Did I leave out anything else? For those who have complains about me or my entries, please post your comments at moc.tihsaevignudI.www...because we care.

Dead Eyed Dick

2007-04-29T01:47:00.000+08:00

To be totally honest, today's band jam practise was totally and awesomely sucky. From our songlist of about 11 songs, we had to UNpick half of them mostly because the church's canteen did not have a condusive enough atmosphere for the band's sound-Loud Rock. Our sound is just bouncing off everything! NOThing was helping to absorb the sound and the result? An echoey room which made us sound terribly noisy. Songs like Take Me Out, Breakfast @ Tiffany's and Accidentally In Love were tyranically and unmercifully CUT.

I feel really sucky right now. HOWever..however..however, I have NO DOUBT that we WILL pull it off nicely. Funny. I should be feeling nervous, scared, panicky even that we will cock up....but I don't. I actually feel confident! Just remember guys......it's just another day playing music. Nothing else.

Good Luck Guys.

Mas Que Nada

2007-04-26T17:39:00.000+08:00

Ooooh..ariáááh..yoh! Obá! Obá! Obá!

Finally! Found this damn Black Eyed Peas song from one of Joga Bonito's videos on Brazilian Football Skill. Eric Cantona said something like: "Believe me...you only make beautiful music if you know how to play in an Orchestra." The Brazilians were damn cool juggling the Nike ball all over their locker room! damn cool. I only wish I could be as cool as them Music wise. BUT! ALAS!! It was never meant to be!!...or IS IT???

Anyways, the old vintage Vantage AMP I got from Nick was surprisingly....well....surprising! After ALL this time NOT using it in any way, it sounded soo good I had a hard time telling myself: "Yo dude! Put it away man! it's late dude! and you feel sleepy dude! Just put it away man!" I mean it didn't fry up! It didn't just DIE on me. I thought it sounded very oldie though. Anyway, I was just "trying" it on 'coz I wanted to tweak my pedal sounds for this Sunday's gig. That's right! The gig's THIS FREAKING SUNDAY!! DON'T PANIC! I said DON'T PANIC!!!...calm down...

Yup! panic and disorder aside, the gig's this Sunday the 29th of April. AND, after 2 practises, no matter how long they were, I still don't feel....what's that word.....confident? that we can pull it off nice and sweetly. There are still so many stuff the band still has to work on. Like proper sound balances especially between the guitarists. AND let's not forget the GELling part. I mean to be totally honest...we still lack ALOT of that band "bonding" which is apparently and most regrettably needed in the forming and producing of a way to find the band uncoincidentally sounding syncronized. In other words, some of us, including me, still have problems playing ANY song together. As in we still don't know our each and every playing style...and the feeling's just not there. Which I think is very very important when playing any song....the feeling.

FEELING- It's something you should get, when you play your respective instruments and you just feel you ARE playing THE SONG. Not just playing the song for the sake of playing the song. Know what I mean?...no?...well it's hard to explain it typing IT out like this. So if you really want to know what's this "feeling" thing I'm talking about? Just ask me when you see me...hopefully, I've figured out a way to explain IT verbally...haha

2007-04-19T14:43:00.000+08:00

Hey...anyone knows how to get rid of this Blogger.com thing at the top ^...?

Anyway, back to me...for the record, I am NOT an 'EMO' person. The last post was to boost the morale of my band mates......really.

Got my bluish green enlistment letter today. yipee. can't wait. I mean seriously, there's nothing to be afraid of in the army. Well, besides killer drilling instructors, malicious gaylords and endless weeks of marching, pumping and shouting....the army is the place to go to have fun and get paid for it. Daryl's finishing his army time and nothing has happened to Elvin...yet. So how hard could it be right? So it's 2 months or 8 weeks or 56 days till the "Island Paradise of Tekong". Bloody short time if you ask me. Too short a time if you asked me further.

I guess Nick was right when he told us that when we are far from Enlistment date, we would say "Argh! Army Smarmy! I can't wait to hold a gun!" BUT when we are close to getting enlisted, we would say "Eh! wah lan! SOO little time left sia! Damn diu lan man!"

So this is me saying: "Eh! wah lan! SOO little time left sia! Damn diu lan man! Like I'm not digging the army dude...Rifle Smifle!"...the only up side is that I would be getting paid I guess.

So long Leaven™! Fare well LC! Good bye world! I will never forget...well you know what I mean.

I love my guitar...

2007-04-15T17:41:00.000+08:00

Leaven had a good jam practice today. We practiced pop songs which Helter-Skelter had played before but didn't quite pull it off due to some unexplainable reasons. Why are we playing these? Well...the band has a P.O.P gig coming up next. There are going to be 3 seperate sets of songs which we are each going to perform in between the 2 morning masses @ Holy Spirit on the 29th. With only 2 more precious practices left, alot of stress has been put onto Leaven's shoulders.

However, chords and band parts are being finalized as you read this and the band is FAR from falling apart...in fact, after today's practice, I thought the band has reached yet another milestone. We have definitely come a great way from when we first started...individually AND as a band.
Auggy's drum timings and fills are AWEsome if not for some minor mistakes here and there.
Randall's timings have greatly improved and he has some KILLer solo skills, in fact, he should definitely do more lead parts here and there...have more confidence in yourself bro..we all do.
Zac's vocal range has noticeably improved alot. He can no longer just be called a bass...I'm convinced he can do alot of tenor parts now...have more confidence in your singing dude.
Fonz's skill with the bass does not only come with his newly aquired bass amplifiers. He was shaky with his bass playing in the past, esspecially with fast bass parts. One could tell that he was smoking in the background quite often in the past....play this part then stop awhile then play another part or play something which didn't sound right. Now, he is confident in his parts and is surprisingly good and comfortable with fast bassy songs.

With the arrival of Clifford, Dawn and Verena, the band can now reach new heights musically and spiritually, which I could only day-dream about before.

Then finally there is Nick...hehehe..you thought I left you out man...Nick has been with the band since the beginning. When we didn't have a name and didn't have anywhere to have our regular jam practice he was there. He has been with the band through it's rough times and smoo...wait, the band has never had a smooth time. It was he who kept the band together when we were known as Helter-Skelter. It was Nick who has lead us to become...Leaven.

With all that we've gone through, we can only get better.....and get cool band T-Shirts which Clifford is designing.

Truly it has been a pleasure...

2007-04-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

Starlight...starbright...I see so many stars tonight! Leaven had a good time on Holy Thusrday night...there were laughs...there was Hysteria and there was a BIG old treat by Nick the Generous...thanks again Nick! bloody filling treat...

It started small at my place at 3.30pm..then it grew...

The usual guys came over for some jamming time...which turned out rather badly. The only musical thing we accomplished was Hysteria's Intro by Muse. The rest of the time was spent robbing pedestrians and kicking as much police and swat teams' buttocks in Grand Theft Auto-San Andreas...total waste of whatever's left of my nineTEEN year old life..the air-conditioning in my room wasn't even working properly. Either that or Auggy always left my room door wide open whenever he stepped out........yeah..it was my air conditioning...

5.30pm...we ordered 4 big fat Canadian Pizzas. Went downstairs to watch the Leaven video while snacking on juicy..pizzas and Pepsi. Were late for choir practise as we thought it started at 9...and the mass at 12mid...was I a dickhead!

8.25pm...I realised the error and scoot everyone out of the house and met Auggy who fetched us on the way. My brother was kind enough to help me clear the mess we made in my room while I made sure the guys went straight to church.

When we got there, we found out that we were not actually joining the choir..but the congregation. The two 'reserved' rows weren't even reserved! They were free seating...and we didn't even have to wear white. However, there were some good points of the choir.....I just can't think of any right now...no wait...no that's not it...well at least the organist was good. I mean like he was bong bonging all over the place...now THAT was a nice show..well sort of...

After the mass, we headed out to the ESSO near church to think of a place to hang out next at. We picked Ben up at his place, and waited for Ernie at another ESSO near her place. We got soo high over methane or what ever petrol gas they were using. When Ernie finally arrived, we headed straight for some Kallang steamboat place for supper. Nick treat us to a scrumptous meal and we left and went home...rite nites...thx nick

2007-04-08T06:25:00.000+08:00

Uumph! It was a very tiresome night...but it was also a night to be recorded in the books..or blogs. It was Leaven™'s very very very first REal gig. I say there were quite a few noticeable mistakes and screw-ups...but the people said it was great! as in G.R.E.A.T! Looking back...it REally WAS great! Take a look...

We look sooo professional. I had a dream once...it was for us to go professional..AND have fun at the same time...

looks like I was right...BUT like most things...it didn't stop there...look who else had fun...

The people were very responsive...even those 'act cool' ones right at the back

'aCt cool' one(s) circled many times in red...

I am sure Nick has signed us up for many more gigs..and I'm psyched about it. Looking forward to the next one on the 29th(pop gig).

p.s. It would be much appreciated if Nick gave us more breathing room inbetween gigs.

It's Closing Time...not really

2007-04-07T00:05:00.000+08:00

Hehehe...that's me. I'm not really photogenic as some of you might already know..so this is as good as it gets. I don't know about you guys...but that's freak'in sad. I'll tell you why...better yet, I'll SHOW you why...

that's me at a certain LC confirmation camp with all the nice smelling feet...BUT that wasn't all...normally it would just stop here...but noooo...

that's me again...on the floor at the same camp...get the picture?

Now THAT is typical LC behaviour...no matter how serious the situation was..we always managed to laugh it out...sometimes..most of the time..on somebody's expense. Some say LC took a break, others say it totally died, vanished, broke up, disbanded etc. If you ask me, I say it never died, vanished, broke up, disbanded etc. Reason? Simple...ALL these stuff are still happening..and they are always done by the same group of people. Behold...

This..ladies and gents..is LC's way of blossoming a BBQ fire...

As you can see, the same bunch of people are involved...

I think it's safe to say..LC has become stronger than it had been before..you know what happened with you know who...and who's to differ?