Friday, December 26, 2008
It's Boxing Day!! And why have't I felt much X'Mas spirit so far? huh...beats me. Maybe this isn't my year. With so many problems and unluckiness.
Well, at least I got to spend it with my friends. Wait...I have to confess that last part wasn't true. Sigh...I mean sure...we spent so many days and hours caroling together, singing hyms and songs together. But that was all we did. Just WORKing towards caroling and all the masses. The short get togethers we had after each house visits were spent eating or talking within the cliques. No REAL bonding. Know what I mean? The countless hours of practise...were just practise. And most of us were being so serious about it, for whatever reason, that it wasn't as fun as it was before. I mean how many of us actually tried to make practice sessions and whatever free and easy time we had...fun and really enjoyable?? I don't know about you guys, but that's where alot of my X'Mas spirit went to...all the effort and time spent trying to get ready for X'Mas. But when it came...I just had so little left it wasn't fun anymore.
Sigh...
That's the one problem about trying to be good. You give without expecting anything back. So let me ask you guys...what if you gave it everything you had...then in the end you don't get any back. Then what? I'll tell you then what! You'd feel all empty inside, all things around you would have less feeling...less meaning...or would just be...LESS. But what's more fucked up is when you see the people around you feeling the same shitty-shit-shit you're feeling! And at some point...you might feel sorry enough for them and you GIVE even more of yourself in hopes that they'll feel better. Know how losing a cherished friend feels like? How not getting back a certain feeling or sense of belonging feels like? How you KNOW things will never be the same again? And from here on out, the only thing left for you is to...continue giving. That's how I feel now. It's like I KNOW who or what I am now...and I don't like me.
Oh. You HAVE to check these songs out.
Jumper [Third Eye Blind]
When It Rains [Paramore]
Miracle [Paramore]
CrushCrushCrush [Paramore]
Jumper is the song Jim Carrey sang with a guitar to the suicidal man in the movie [Yes Man]. Well, at least we can be glad music is still the same...and we can always count on music to cheer us up a little. Happy Holidays!
I love my guitar 6:15 pm♥
