Saturday, November 29, 2008
At band practise today, we played some songs just like the old good times. Some old songs. Some new ones. All those who were there? Zac, Yvette, Clifford, Dawn and Me. Out of all those who were there, only Zac and Me were of the band. The rest of the band you ask? Busy...with their other wants and interests. I guess I know now how my church friends felt of me when I was busy...with MY want and interest. I guess you can blame me for the mess. I'm kinda used to it by now.
I find myself at a big crossroad. And the people I know are drifting apart toward roads of their own. Leaving me behind. Some have advised me on which road to take myself. But in the end, the choice will always be mine. The problem? I really don't know where to go or what to do anymore. I used to though. I used to have a life. I used to have dreams. But one day, everything shattered. And I lost everything I thought I stood for.
Now, I have to start all over. Rethink my life. Rethink my dreams. Move into a new phase of my life story. tch. Story. I wonder how interesting it is up till now.
Things for me now has become, in more ways than one, very difficult. Decisions become heavier everywhere I go. Why? Cuz I've been living in a dream for so long. Cuz I depended too much on someone whom I loved...for comfort...for company...for love...for completeness. And now that person's gone, I find myself lost in this clueless world...without a map, a compass or a direction. My wants doesn't mean as much as it did. Sigh. I realise how weak and lost I am. I wouldn't be with ME...let alone she.
I've to change. I've to be stronger again. Stronger than I ever was. For I was strong...but it wasn't enough. So I'm starting now. I'm still gonna represent the band and do something. With or without you guys.
Two likely opportunities.
An Advent Praise & Worship for the choir.
St. Stephen's Christmas Dinner.
And guess what....I've already started plans.
I love my guitar 11:20 pm♥
