Sunday, November 30, 2008
Breakeven [TheScript]
Check this song out too. Another beautiful song by The Script.
I love my guitar 1:29 pm♥
Saturday, November 29, 2008
At band practise today, we played some songs just like the old good times. Some old songs. Some new ones. All those who were there? Zac, Yvette, Clifford, Dawn and Me. Out of all those who were there, only Zac and Me were of the band. The rest of the band you ask? Busy...with their other wants and interests. I guess I know now how my church friends felt of me when I was busy...with MY want and interest. I guess you can blame me for the mess. I'm kinda used to it by now.
I find myself at a big crossroad. And the people I know are drifting apart toward roads of their own. Leaving me behind. Some have advised me on which road to take myself. But in the end, the choice will always be mine. The problem? I really don't know where to go or what to do anymore. I used to though. I used to have a life. I used to have dreams. But one day, everything shattered. And I lost everything I thought I stood for.
Now, I have to start all over. Rethink my life. Rethink my dreams. Move into a new phase of my life story. tch. Story. I wonder how interesting it is up till now.
Things for me now has become, in more ways than one, very difficult. Decisions become heavier everywhere I go. Why? Cuz I've been living in a dream for so long. Cuz I depended too much on someone whom I loved...for comfort...for company...for love...for completeness. And now that person's gone, I find myself lost in this clueless world...without a map, a compass or a direction. My wants doesn't mean as much as it did. Sigh. I realise how weak and lost I am. I wouldn't be with ME...let alone she.
I've to change. I've to be stronger again. Stronger than I ever was. For I was strong...but it wasn't enough. So I'm starting now. I'm still gonna represent the band and do something. With or without you guys.
Two likely opportunities.
An Advent Praise & Worship for the choir.
St. Stephen's Christmas Dinner.
And guess what....I've already started plans.
I love my guitar 11:20 pm♥
The Man Who Can't Be Moved [The Script]
Check this song out. Caught it on the air-waves.
I love my guitar 6:48 pm♥
Friday, November 28, 2008
I'm having guitarist's block. I find myself not being able to play the guitar like I used to. And believe me when I say it's not due to lack of practise. It's like I've lost all my guitar senses. I know this might sound stupid...but I really hope they come back soon. My band's come back practise is this Sat!
I lost it and only you know why...
I love my guitar 2:08 am♥
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Today, I did nothing but staring at my com's screen. Pondering. Reflecting. Wishing. As memories and old whispers wash over my mind, I couldn't help but feel a mixed feeling of heartache, regret and guilt. Sigh.
Of all the ways you could teach me dear Lord, you HAD to tell it to me THIS way. I can only hope and have faith in his work and pray that it's...really..for the best. But...in what way is it best? And best for whom? It's definitely not the best for all. So I hope it...isn't...best for me. I really do. Partly cuz by knowing it's best for the other person, a part of me feels relived. Though not for myself, but for her.
However, for her sake, for mine and everybody else's, I have to live on and start livin'. But nobody knows the only way is for her to be genuinely and innocently happy like she was before. Cuz only then can I ever truly be happy for her. I'm sorry this had to happen.
I'm starting up Leaven, trying to make it wake up it's idea after a long..needed..break. I'm holding our first practise at our Lead singer, Zac's, humble...room. Yes, in his small little..but cozy room. Cuz the drums are there and we prefer to shift all of our equipment up, rather than bring the drums down. I mean...we might disturb Zac's family (with the helter-skelter sound waves we call music) anyways.
Songlist:
Who Did You Think I Was
Daughters
Bigger Than My Body
----All by John Mayer----
When You Were Young
Read My Mind
----Both by The Killers----
I'm also thinking of adding Kidnap My Heart by The Click Five and No Such Thing by John Mayer. But I think we should start slow. Not really in the mood to do stuff anyway. But for her sake, I know I have to try...
I love my guitar 12:14 am♥
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Many things have gone and past. Be it wrong or right. Happy or sad. Sweet or bitter. Beautiful or disgusting. Innocent love or pure hatred. All these doesn't matter. It is the ends of them and the lessons learned that's important.
However, what's MOST important is to be strong in one's self...and move on. Sure, it might definitely be something sweet which you lost. Or someone beautiful whom you hold so dear to your heart.
By hanging on so tightly to the lost...you're not only letting yourself down. You're also selfishly letting everything which she stood for down...everything which you thought was so sweet or beautiful. All the heart stopping memories...will always be memories. Nothing else. No matter how much you try...a scar will always be on you. Even if you surgically remove the scar, it will forever be etched in your head....how did you get this scar, how much hurt you felt, how whenever you look at it..you cry your heart out...cuz it was something you've always dreaded having happen to you. Something you can never ever forget...no matter how hard you tried.
So STOP!! For all goodness' sake! For his/her sake!! For YOUR sake!! you have to find it in yourself by YOURself...not to forget..cuz I know you can't...but instead, to live on. NO! not cuz you're just going to be a burden to everyone especially the ones who love you! But...simply cuz YOU still deserve a beautiful life. So live your life which is STILL as beautiful as ever before! BUT only better!! Cuz the life lessons will...always...be...with you. Prove to yourself that you're stronger then that...that there's still so much purpose left for you!
In the past, scars were worn or 'displayed' proudly by warriors of any tribe. Why? Cuz scars told their own stories...stories of past battles. In some tribes, the more scars you had, the more people respected you...the more senior you would become. But more importantly, scars tell people that this person IS stronger and tougher now. He or she (yes there were women who fight too..you chauvinists!) has learnt how to fight better. A person without scars can only mean 2 things. One, he's already an accomplished fighter and nobody has ever landed a blow on him. Such accomplished warriors were rare..and considered legends. The other reason is that he was such a pussy and a disgusting coward that he has NEVER stepped foot in any battle and therefore, nobody has ever landed a blow on him.
My point is:
Firstly, there are people who live perfect lives without quarrels or problems. These, in today's world, are still considered legends. And can only be found in fairytales at your local library.
Secondly, there are people who are afraid of stuff like quarrels, fights, changes and risk. They are afraid of getting hurt...of getting scarred..afraid of lost. These people will never learn anything. For to really learn something, you have to go through it yourself. Like how if you made your friend do your homework, you will never get anything out of it. But your dear friend will be smarter, better...for he/she did the questions and if ever..any of those questions came out, he/she will know how to get it right...not you.
You may say recovering from a lost is abit different, but it's all actually the same. Just harder. But then let me ask you...what's it worth accomplishing when it's easy? Recovering from a lost just takes time...how long? That depends on the individual. That depends on...you.
I'm not asking you to wear your scars with pride. Or to forget it...treat it like nothing. no...I'm asking you to give your own self another chance...a chance to live life like it was supposed to be lived! Live for yourself. Not others. Because that's what makes you...you.
And you are unforgettable.
I love my guitar 4:01 am♥
Monday, November 24, 2008
Bigger Than My Body [John Mayer]
This is a call to the colorblind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind the horizon line
Tied up in something true
Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry
Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Why is it not the time?
What is there more to learn?.. yeah
I shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return
Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry
Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Cause I'm bigger than my body now
Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If a flame's what it takes to remember my name
To remember my name, yeah
Yes I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by all this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting for my fuse to dry
Waiting for my fuse to dry
Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body now
I love my guitar 5:03 pm♥
sorry for everything. Sorry for making it too much to bear...cuz sorry's all I got.
I love my guitar 5:02 pm♥
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
It's Not Over [Secondhand Serenade]
My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you ' or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over
I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die
But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever
It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over
I love my guitar 11:59 pm♥
Sunday, November 16, 2008
First mass in a loooong time. It sort of gave me a little comfort praising God. But I can't help but still feel abit...lost. It's like taking a long road by yourself. A long road which you know will be difficult...and lonely. Some people might say stuff like "act your age man!" or "be a man about it dude! Do the right thing!". But did you ever stop to think what might be the right thing? Like the right thing for whose or which purpose??
Everyone has his or her own feelings which every MF must respect no matter what. Feelings...and opinions. 'Cuz in the end, that's what makes each and everyone of us special and unique. Some people might mistake influence from guidance. But they cannot be blamed nor questioned. It IS a very fine line...is it not?
But after all that's said and done, how correct each person thinks must always be left to that person...nobody else.
Back to the long road...
Yes it IS lonely. And everybody is entitled to a companion...pets and God aside. Not sure yours is the right one? Let me guide you...
First. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't like some boring stoner to journey with me...so that someone must be one whom you would NEVER be bored of.
Second. This long journey will be rough and difficult. So you need someone whom you can really trust to support you whenever you're down. Always.
This road, if you have yet to realise, is long. NO. I have no idea how long it is. Anyway, you have to love this person more than just...enough...till you reach...well...the end. However, as most of you should have realised, you loving him/her wouldn't be enough. so..duh...the other person has to love you back. Now here's the tricky part. Most of us might...will not be able to tell this. For those who know you've found The One for you, good, the job's half done. For the unlucky rest of you...may the holy light of God help you...really. 'Cuz no one else can.
Once you've found The One...no matter what, never let her/him go. YOU should know how hard it is to find someone in this world to be your very own. For those who think you have no problem finding girls/guys, you are missing out on something incredible...AND...you have absolutely NO idea what I'm talking about...AND..you just piss me off. This particular person isn't just someone whom you can just imagine spending time with. I don't know how to describe it properly, but for me, I imagine her and me growing old together...she, still smiling back at me. Saying the most heart peircing words..."I still love you...dear". You will feel an undescribable emotion everytime he/she says "I love you". You would just wish you could video it evertime so that you could hit the [playback] button and...just..watch it. For in the end of all things...you will only be left with bitter-sweet memories.
So if you've found your companion...no! don't freaking start video-ing everything! What I'm trying to say is...please...cherish him/her. Never forget to tell her how much you "still love her". Because on this long road with you...she deserves to know....YOU..are The One for her.
I love my guitar 10:30 pm♥
Saturday, November 15, 2008
When You Were Young [The Killers]
You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now ... here he comes!
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young
Can we climb this mountain
I don't know
Higher now than ever before
I know we can make it if we take it slow
Let's take it easy
Easy now, watch it go
We're burning down the highway skyline
On the back of a hurricane that started turning
When you were young
When you were young
And sometimes you close your eyes
and see the place where you used to live
When you were young
They say the devil's water, it ain't so sweet
You don't have to drink right now
But you can dip your feet
Every once in a little while
You sit there in your heartache
Waiting on some beautiful boy to
To save you from your old ways
You play forgiveness
Watch it now here he comes
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But he talks like a gentleman
Like you imagined when you were young
(He talks like a gentlemen, like you imagined when)
When you were young
I said he doesn't look a thing like Jesus
He doesn't look a thing like Jesus
But more than you'll ever know...
Damn nice song I heard while I was in Australia. And MAN!!! Do they play alot of...err nice...songs..haha.
I love my guitar 2:07 pm♥
Friday, November 07, 2008
A guy can't feel any blue-er. Life's just not the same anymore. If you're ever reading this...I need you..I've always have.
I love my guitar 1:09 am♥
